All About Breastfeeding

I knew before I’d even met Sam that I wanted to breastfeed. It was something I felt in my bones—like there was no other alternative for me. So, when we got pregnant, that desire doubled. I took courses, read every resource I could (including Ellen Fisher’s fantastic breastfeeding e-book, which I highly recommend if you’re planning on breastfeeding), and stored away one life-changing statistic from a lactation consultant and researcher: almost every woman can breastfeed with the right support. That piece of information ended up playing a crucial role in my journey.

Support Makes All the Difference

I gave birth to Tulsi, and as expected (or, more accurately, not expected by my private midwife), my milk didn’t come in until day four. By day three, she was already suggesting formula. I knew that what I was experiencing wasn’t unusual, because I’d done my reading—I knew it could take a little longer, especially if you’ve had interventions or stress during birth. Still, hearing my midwife push formula so soon was alarming.

She even did a quick “check” of my nipples one day and basically said, “Hmm, they don’t look like they’ll do well for breastfeeding.” It was disheartening, especially when I was 42 weeks pregnant and puffy beyond belief. My body was swollen, my breasts were huge compared to my baby’s tiny mouth, and I was terrified I might be doing something wrong.

But I kept coming back to that statistic: almost every healthy woman can breastfeed if they truly want to, provided they have good information and the right team around them. So, I turned to an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) and my local community midwife, both of whom were wonderfully supportive of exclusive breastfeeding. When my milk did come in—like a torrent on day four, just as they’d said it would—they spent hours helping me learn different latching techniques, showing me how to hand express beforehand, and basically guiding me through those early, overwhelming days.

I can’t stress enough how important that was. If I hadn’t had them—and my family and partner, of course—it would’ve been all too easy to cave under the pressure from my private midwife. She wasn’t a horrible person; she just didn’t share my conviction about exclusive breastfeeding. This mismatch added a whole layer of stress in an already intense time, and I honestly believe that if I hadn’t hired the IBCLC, Tulsi and I would have ended up supplementing “just in case.”

Why the Right Birth Team Matters

This whole experience highlighted something huge: not all birth workers are created equal. Some are more enthusiastic about certain practices, while others might be indifferent or even push a different approach. I learned that it’s crucial to find a team that fully aligns with your goals—whether that’s exclusive breastfeeding, homebirthing, unmedicated birth, or something else entirely.

A lot of new parents are shocked when their pediatrician suggests stopping breastfeeding early or encourages strict sleep training if that’s not what they want. They think, Wait, isn’t the pediatrician supposed to be a baby expert? But just because someone is a healthcare professional doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be on board with your specific vision. And that can be really disheartening if you don’t see it coming.

So, if you’re pregnant or planning for your postpartum, interview your doctors, midwives, and other care providers. Ask them directly how they feel about breastfeeding (or homebirth, epidurals, formula, sleep training—whatever is important to you). You’d be surprised at how many will give you vague answers that don’t exactly match what you had in mind. It doesn’t mean they’re “bad” at their job, it just means you might be better off with someone else who shares your goals.

The Supply and Demand Dance

Now, let’s talk about why offering formula too soon can complicate your breastfeeding journey. Breastfeeding is a supply-and-demand relationship: your body produces milk in response to how much your baby is nursing. If you start supplementing, your baby won’t nurse as often or as long at the breast, so your body thinks, “Oh, we need less milk,” and supplies drop. Suddenly, you’re labeled a “low producer,” when actually, you might just need more direct stimulation and nursing time.

Sadly, a lot of women face this scenario. They’re told their babies will lose weight if they don’t supplement, and that fear is powerful. No one wants to risk their baby’s health. So they go to formula, or at least have it on standby. But if they were never warned about the potential impact on supply, it can spiral into a situation where breastfeeding becomes more difficult, not because of their bodies, but because they didn’t get the right support at the right time.

None of this is to say that formula doesn’t have an important place—it absolutely does. It can be life-saving, and for women who truly cannot breastfeed for medical or medication reasons, formula (and/or donor milk) is an incredible resource. But if you’re a healthy adult who isn’t on any medications that interfere with milk production, odds are you can breastfeed. It might take a little (or a lot) of extra effort, and it might be one of the hardest things you do in those first days postpartum, but the research shows that most women can do it when given the right environment.

Reflecting on My Traumatic First Week

That first week after Tulsi was born was easily one of the hardest weeks of my life. I was exhausted, emotional, and questioning every decision. The only reason we never touched formula was because I had that confidence in my body, plus a support system that wanted the same outcome I did. I also want to note: if you had interventions like a C-section, induction, or an epidural, your milk might take a bit longer to come in. Mine did. I wish someone had told me that this was normal, because it would have saved me so much stress.

It’s honestly quite traumatic to look back on now, which is one reason why I haven’t shared my full birth story online—and why I plan to seek therapy before having another child. The experience left me feeling vulnerable and uncertain, yet here I am today with a healthy 2.5-year-old who’s still breastfeeding like a champ. We made it, and I firmly believe it’s because I had knowledge, trust in my body, and people around me who valued breastfeeding as much as I did.

My Top Tips for Aspiring Breastfeeding Mamas

Pre-Prepare
Take a course, read a book, and discuss everything you learn with your support system (especially your birth partner). I highly recommend Ellen Fisher’s breastfeeding guide and anything by Ina May Gaskin, who’s incredibly encouraging of breastfeeding. They’ve both been there and have guided or experienced many breastfeeding journeys, so they have the wisdom you might not yet.
Hire a Birth/Postpartum Team That Aligns With Your Values
If a pediatrician suggested I sleep train my baby when I didn’t want to, I would 100% find a new one. Avoid that stress by interviewing your providers ahead of time. Ask direct questions about the topics that matter most to you. Remember, they work for you, not the other way around.
Ask for Help (and Be Open to Hiring New Help if Needed)
IBCLCs are the real heroes when it comes to breastfeeding challenges. Seek one out even before you give birth if you can. In Australia, Medicare can cover some sessions. Community nurses are also a good resource—just make sure to ask the right questions. My family played a huge role in those early days, making sure I slept, ate well, and had time to shower or cry (or both). Within two weeks, Tulsi and I found our rhythm, and the stress levels dropped drastically.
Trust Yourself
Your body was literally designed for this. If medical interventions delay your milk, that doesn’t mean you won’t produce it eventually—it just might take a bit more patience. Having a trusted professional who respects your breastfeeding goal can calm so many of those late-night worries.

In Closing

Birth and postpartum can be beautiful, messy, and overwhelming all at once. Your brain becomes a “loved-up pile of mush,” as I like to say, so sorting out your priorities and lining up proper support before you’re in the thick of it can make all the difference. If exclusive breastfeeding is what you truly want, know that the odds are in your favor—seriously, most healthy women can do it.

And if it doesn’t work out, or you choose a different route, that’s okay too. We all want the best for our babies, and sometimes that path looks different than what we initially planned. But for those of you who feel as strongly as I did about breastfeeding—take heart. It’s absolutely possible, and I’m here cheering you on.

With love and milk-fueled confidence,
Tess